For weeks Cassady had been complaining about her stomach. It was hurting. It was gurgling. It was churning. She went from, not being able to go to the bathroom one day to, can’t stop going to the bathroom the next. Every day it was something different….she was miserable and so was I just listening to her!
Finally, after doing some Internet searching and talking to friends, I concluded that we needed to make a visit to the doctor. My kids rarely have to go to the doctor…they’re never sick, thank goodness. Typically, we have to visit the doctor for broken bones or busted heads….not from being sick.
I made the appointment with our pediatrician. She had seen all four of my kids over the years, for one thing or another, so Cassady felt comfortable explaining to her the crazy symptoms she had been having….
maybe a little too comfortable!
The nurse came to the waiting room and called our name, Cassady and I gathered our things and made our way to the first available room. The nurse took her blood pressure, weighed her and then asked the usual questions….and of course Cassady was all to happy to tell her anything and everything. When the nurse left, I encouraged Cassady to answer all of the doctors questions completely but to get to the point….basically I wanted her to get to the point without a twenty minute explanation (which she tends to do).
When the doctor came in, she recognized Cassady immediately and asked how we had been doing (I told you it had been a long time since we had been to see her). We chatted for a few minutes and then she began to enquire as to what we were in for. After Cassady gave her the highlights she began to ask more detailed questions like…
How long has this been going on?
When do the symptoms occur?
How often?
Is it worse after you eat?
Between 1 and 10 how bad is the pain?
The doctor continued to ask more questions, then suddenly her questions became very specific in nature (I’ll spare you the details). I could tell Cassady was beginning to struggle with her explanations of exactly what was going on with her body…..I mean, it’s hard enough talking to a doctor as an adult…but as a 14 year old girl…she was beginning to struggle trying to find the right words to explain her situation.
{here’s the redneck part}
All of a sudden, in Cassady’s frustration, she threw her hands up in the air, as if to give an illustration, and said, “ok, you know what it’s like when you’re skinning a squirrel?
Whaaa?
From that point on, everything is a blur…..all I can remember is seeing her hands in the air and I can only remember two words…
Skinned and squirrel.
I’m sure I was in shock. My mouth hung open. My eyes were wide and fixed. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Then I felt it….the heat, working it’s way up my neck and over my face. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My daughter, whom I tried to raise the best I could, was explaining her innards while using the analogy of a skinned squirrel!
Please say it ain’t so!
I seriously heard nothing else…..just skinned and squirrel. When I came out of my shock induced coma….I immediately threw my head between my knees and broke out into a Hee Haw belly laugh! What else was I gonna do, right?? The damage was done! The secret was out. The doctor now knows, that we go out in the woods, kill squirrels, skin them and eat them for supper. She now knows that we’re a bunch of rednecks (well, they are, I’m not!).
When I finally gathered myself and regained my composure, I hesitantly looked up at the doctor to get her reaction. Let me just say, she was a real pro! She never laughed or even cracked a smile, she never raised an eyebrow or gasped in shock. She sat right there and listened intently to everything Cassady had to say.
A soon as Cassady was finished with her gruesome, squirrel skinning story, the doctor sent her down the hall for some tests. As Cassady walked out of sight, the doctor looked at me and said with great passion, “I just love that kid!” I smiled and said, “well, what you see is what you get! I just can’t believe she talked about skinning a squirrel” “That’s ok”, she said, “I was raised in Arkansas, I’m used to it, besides, it helped me to know exactly what she was talking about”.
What an awesome doctor!
What an awesome kid!
What an awesome, redneck family!
What an awesome life!
Thank you Lord.
The end.
Love it !!! 🙂
Too funny!